In my book, Family Inc.: Guilt, Compliance, and the Corporate Reality of the Latin Home, I explore a topic that deeply fascinates me. It’s the narratives Latin women are taught from the time they’re little girls and the expectations placed upon them simply because of their biology. It's not one exclusive to Latin women but it’s the culture I know most enough to make a statement about it. One of the central narratives fed to a female child is about motherhood. She grows up with the expectation that at some point in her adulthood, she will participate in the socially encouraged activity of having kids.
In Family Inc., I refer to these young girls as "child parents." A child parent is created when a young girl is given adult responsibilities over her siblings, her cousins, or even her own parents. She serves in the capacity of a parent long before she is one. She fills in when the parent is absent or acts as a designated guardian with the authority to discipline other children.
It’s something acutely learned during childhood and adolescence, long before she understands what it actually means to be a parent, to make the conscious choice to have a child, or to grasp the responsibilities that come with that decision. She becomes a caretaker to her siblings, a parent to her own parents, and often the emotional manager of the household mediating relationships between her parents and siblings, and even between the parents themselves.
In this article, I want to explore what happens as a result of this dynamic. The new generation of women (the ones expected to step into the previous generation's shoes and enter motherhood) are increasingly choosing not to. Many are saying, "F the kids." They’re opting to delay motherhood, choose pet parenthood, or forgo having children altogether. They’re exploring alternative paths, and as a result, fewer of them are choosing motherhood or they’re choosing it much later in life.
This shift stems directly from their upbringing: they have already been mothers. The role became embedded in their identity and dominated their early lives.
In Family Inc., I go into detail about how this dynamic impacts mental health and psychological development. But here, I want to focus on that pivotal moment of choice. The women who grew up in this caretaker role now have adult money and adult freedom. And with that freedom, they’re choosing the one thing they were denied: a childhood. A childhood designed entirely by them (full of independence, travel, fine dining, luxury vacations, spas, and personal entertainment) rather than stepping into the role society expects of them. Choosing not to become a mother is not a rejection of children at all. Many of these women deeply love children. Instead, it’s a rejection of an inherited role. It’s a reaction to having been forced into motherhood without consent, until the capacity to choose was completely exhausted out of them.
When parental responsibilities are imposed on a young girl before she is ready, love becomes intertwined with labor. That early trauma shapes her adult decisions. These inherited narratives and structures are dangerous precisely because they dictate how a woman makes choices later in life. A young girl who is constantly exhausted from carrying the burden (and the consequences) of her siblings' behavior becomes burnt out long before she ever has the chance to birth her own children.
While these women recognize that raising children is difficult for anyone, their perspective on motherhood has been permanently skewed. They’re not viewing parenthood through the eyes of an unburdened adult; they’re perceiving it through the traumatized lens of a child parent. To them, a child was never seen as a gift, it was the weight that crushed their tiny shoulders and the thief that stole their playtime.
Many no longer care about legacy, duty, or societal expectations. This reaction does not come from cruelty or a desire to be reckless, it comes from profound exhaustion. Having given so much of themselves to caretaking, their sole priority now is taking care of themselves. Choosing their own peace leaves no bandwidth to raise anyone else.
This is not an argument to persuade anyone to have (or not have) children. It’s an exploration of how early childhood designations shape adult decision-making and how those choices ripple through society. I’m a firm believer in individual autonomy. Every person has the right to make an informed choice for their own life, especially because they alone will bear the responsibility and consequences of that choice. I cannot judge a woman's decision when I’m not the one who will be raising her child; she must live with that responsibility, not me. What one person has the bandwidth for, another may not, and respecting your own boundaries and peace is paramount.
Still, I acknowledge a quiet misfortune in all of this, especially for these daughters. Many of them would have been exceptional parents. As children, they raised siblings who grew up to be balanced, capable, and responsible adults. They showed up and demonstrated resilience and skill long before they even understood what parenting meant. I believe many of them might have actually enjoyed the fruits of parenthood, had they not been forced to do the heavy lifting while they were still in pigtails.
If they hadn't been forced to carry that burden throughout their youth, would their choice today look entirely different?
All of this ultimately speaks to robbing someone of an opportunity to experience parenthood in a way that is rewarding for both the parent and the child; all because adult responsibility was imposed far too early. By the time it is finally their turn to decide, many say, "no. Hell no!" These women are viewing the choice through the lens of that traumatized child parent. A child who had no real resource, no answers, and only an illusion of authority. All of this was thrust upon them during a developmental period that was supposed to be reserved for play, discovery, curiosity, and making mistakes. Instead, those essential parts of childhood were suppressed. That suffocating weight shaped them into adults who view parenthood not as an exciting journey, but with an added sense of burden and constraint.
A woman with this upbringing approaches this decision with a mind conditioned by early burnout. Her past experience colors her perspective. The choice is not made in isolation, it’s colored and often tainted by the trauma of her childhood. That is why this narrative is so crucial to unpack. It helps explain why so many women are choosing not to become mothers today. We must critically examine what we’re teaching children in the home. What scripts are we giving them? How will those pre-established roles color their outlook and compromise their choices later in life.
Parents need to bear the operational cost of their own decisions. Caring for your children is your responsibility, not a duty to be delegated to a child. That role does not belong to them; they did not choose to start a family. A child is brought into this world without their consent, only to be forced to parent a sibling they didn't choose to have either. Parents must become far more cautious about the responsibilities they delegate, as well as the psychological weight they impose. For example: blaming a child when a sibling misbehaves (claiming they "should have noticed" or "been more alert") is deeply unfair. It distorts a child's mind and reshapes the entire trajectory of their adult life.
I go into much more detail about this in Family Inc., and if you are interested in grabbing a copy, I have linked it throughout this article.
This topic is deeply near and dear to my heart, especially after a recent conversation with a friend who expressed her own lack of desire to pursue motherhood. My hope is that parents become more educated on the profound importance of protecting a child's mind. Parentage isn't just about bearing the physical costs of school supplies, food, clothes, and a roof over their head—it’s the responsibility of shaping a human mind that will eventually enter society and interact with others.
The rules you designate and the values you instill directly dictate how your child views the world and the choices they will make as adults. We must take a serious moment to reflect on what we teach children, because we rarely know how deeply those messages will land, how long they will linger, or how profoundly they will shape their trajectory.