Many of us, if not all, are suffering from something mentally or emotionally.
Our suffering never exists in isolation. What happens mentally usually bleeds into the physical. It bleeds because our minds affect our decision-making, and our decisions affect our livelihood. I want us to zero in on that suffering in this article because of the ramifications it causes in your life. We’re going to talk about the unique link between suffering and money.
When we’re experiencing heavy emotions, money becomes a tool that we use. Whether that is purchasing food, paying for subscriptions, buying our favorite TV shows, going outside to party with friends, or buying alcohol and drugs, money is a tool that either helps or worsens suffering. The less money you have, the more acute suffering becomes because you’re deprived of a tool that can soothe you. Stacks of cash do not ease suffering; it’s what money can buy. That depends on what you find comforting, whether that is binge-watching a show while eating your favorite meals or going to a concert. Whatever activity brings you joy and makes you forget your circumstances, money can make you feel better because it helps you buy it.
Because you look for activities that bring you comfort in the face of suffering, that activity receives your money. Inevitably, your suffering becomes someone else's paycheck.
Immediately, that sounds like you’re being taken advantage of. We will get there, because that is possible. However, it’s a clean exchange if whatever you are buying helps ease your suffering. It is an even exchange when the thing does not cost you an arm and a leg, when you can afford it, and when it is reasonably priced. You purchase it and you feel much better because that thing has eased your suffering for the moment you’re enjoying it.
More than just food, activities, and the fun money can buy us to forget our circumstances, your suffering being someone else's paycheck also speaks to socially approved ways of managing suffering. Our focus here is going to be on therapists, coaches, psychologists, consultants, and the overall self-help industry.
This comes with a heavy disclaimer: If you need help, seek help.
The focus here is on how the self-help industry banks on your suffering to make a paycheck. If you’re not suffering, these people don’t have any clients. This does not mean you should not seek help or go to a professional. It means you need to look at the other side of this transaction so you can pick one that actually benefits you at a proportionate cost, where you see real progress and don’t view the whole thing as a loss because that adds to even more suffering.
The self-help industry is interesting because it’s not just people, but also books and online courses that offer you a way out of your mental circumstances for the “cheap” price of $1,999. Realizing this entire industry is a sales funnel is important for making informed decisions about which funnel is most beneficial to you.
This industry banks on mental suffering and the idea that healing requires specific recovery periods. In many cases, self-help gurus tell you that it will require six months, eight months, or a year to see visible results. Because your suffering is their paycheck, the longer they can prolong your stay in their programs, the more money they can make off of you.
You have to take a close look at who is profiting from keeping you stuck in heavy emotions like sadness, anger, guilt, or depression. These gurus depend on creating dependency. They tell you, "yes, you can do it on your own, but it has to be facilitated through me." Then they sell you a course on information that is already freely available on the first page of Google, or they set up 24 sessions at $3,000 where your salvation becomes dependent on what they offer. That is their job. They make a living off your suffering. In many cases, these programs cannot help you because you were just a paycheck to begin with.
Worse, many people see temporary progress, but a month or two after the program ends, they slip back into the same patterns. They run back to the guru in a loop of association, believing this person can help them again. That is why it’s dangerous to become dependent on costly coping mechanisms. When you can no longer afford them, it becomes even more damaging because your mind has no remaining ways to “save” itself. Training your mind to become dependent on someone (or something) else is a slippery slope.
This whole system stems from not teaching people how to cope independently, and not designing programs where the therapist is eventually no longer needed. A proper program should say, "I’m going to help you for a set period, teach you how to help yourself, and then you will move on." Instead, many practitioners bank on you coming back week after week to talk about the same issue repeatedly under the guise of healing, while ignoring the fact that your ongoing emotional pain pays their bills, buys their food, and funds their vacations.
If these people are not arming you with the tools to help yourself, your suffering is just a paycheck for them to maintain or upgrade their lifestyle. Look closely at many online gurus driving Ferraris and living in mansions. Their lifestyle itself is not inherently bad, but you must realize that your emotional trouble is funding it. If you were not suffering, they would not be necessary.
Ask yourself: Is working with this person helping me move forward independently, or am I being kept in this chair longer than necessary to pay for my therapist's vacation?
Everything is a transaction. If the cost is proportionate to the help offered, it’s a transaction that benefits you. But if you’re attending weekly sessions for months and seeing zero progress, that transaction is only benefiting the practitioner. The issue is not spending money. If a different therapist or method can actually help you, that puts money back in your pocket to spend on yourself, your own vacations, going out with friends, and enjoying the things that make you happy.
If you go to a therapist simply because you like to vent and want someone to validate you, then you have found a transaction that works for your goals. But if you’re going because you want to end the suffering and nothing changes week after week, you’re funding someone else's life instead of your own. You’re paying for someone else's extravagance on the promise that you might find relief in a future session.
Take a close look at your life and take inventory of who is profiting from your suffering. Are they truly helping you, or are they keeping you stuck to fund their lifestyle?